From the monthly archives:

April 2010

foxy fritillaria michailovskyi

April 24, 2010

Someone told me yesterday that they say that fritillaria michailovskyi smells foxy. I got what he meant. He wanted to make sure. You know, like sex. First of all, major props to a working man for recognizing the flower, knowing its pain in the arse name, and for retaining this erotic bit of esoterica (or [...]

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on washing

April 24, 2010

Napoleon in a letter to Josephine: Will return to Paris tomorrow evening. Don’t wash.

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hey… you got chocolate on my peanut butter!

April 19, 2010

Thirty years later, this hook is still caught in my brain.

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the only narcissus worth half a hoot

April 16, 2010

I can’t even bring myself to say daffodil, the word too much like a contraction of daffy and dildo . The great majority of narcissus you find in civilians’ yards right now are yellow. We all know how yellow makes you crazy, not to mention nauseous. It’s a crappy color: the color of pus; of [...]

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Nine Out of Ten Banana Analysts Agree

April 12, 2010

Musa ‘Ice Cream’ and Musa ‘Brazilian’ are the top two best-tasting banana plants on the banana analysts’ top five best-tasting banana plants list. Speaking of ‘naners, I am so finsta hop the recent ravenolocavoracious mania and lassoo it to the ever-so-avante carbon-zero steamy hot wet planetism to make the first ever carbon-neutral neighborhhood greenhouse grocer [...]

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